its been a while

well its definitely been a while since ive written anything on here so i guess its just time for
and update.
well my writing is doing a little better, have a couple original ideas that i dont want to discuss
because i dont want you to steal them
life in general is pretty good and there are few complaints to be made which is always a good thing and school
is still as boring as ever, but i still go most of the time
the amount of shinaniganns i get into now a days is a lot less than it has been in the past but that doesnt mean
that i still dont do it haha
as each year goes by i lose more friends, meet up with old ones, and make new ones
now its only months until the big 21 so im pretty excited for that!
still no job but working on it so hopefully that comes together soon so that i can move out and shit
idk what else to tell you guys cause its been pretty much the same as the last time, just a little older and still as dumb

bullies

i guess its always been a really big problem that was always swept under the rug
i never really experienced this much until high school because i went to a catholic school with very small class sizes. we all knew each other and pretty much had to get along.
once i got to high school i began to see this in different ways
when i first got to high school, i didnt know anyone so it was really difficult to try and figure out where to fit in
i played sports so it was easy to fit in with the "jocks" but i was also good in school so i hung out with the smart kids too
ive always sat in the middle of these 2 fences, but always leaned more on the smart kids side because school was more important than being "cool"
i mean yea i teased some kids, who hasnt, but i dont think i took it to the point were it was affecting someones life, that i know of.
im not a mean person and i dont like hurting people
and ive seen the popular kids ridicule and pick on anyone that wasnt in their group
most of the time i would side with my friends, the smart kids, because the popular
crowd wasnt very bright and wasnt really going anywhere after high school
i even saw this at other schools.
the worst part about all of this is that those kids picking on other kids, wont make anything out of their lives most of the time
then they try to say that they were nice to other kids in school when all they did was make fun of everyone around them that didnt fit into their groups
fortunately i never encountered bullying that severely affected someones life in a way that was harmful to their being
i always stuck with my friends because i knew that friendship was better than being popular in high school
besides, we wanted to go to college and do something with our lives instead of throw it all away before we even got there

oh well, bullying is wrong and people should be more aware of it because it is a serious problem that must be dealt with
no one should have to be put through these types of things no matter what
and for the smart kids out there, hang in there cause it will all pay off

i have a dream

like most others i want to be rich and somewhat famous
but i dont want to be an actor or anything like that.
i want to be the one making people famous, i want to write movies and create
shows or anything that will put my name out there as a writer
i dont want to have a book that will be part of any literary analysis,
i just want my name out there.
i want to make people happy with the thoughts from my mind.
there is all this stuff running around in my head and most of it never has a chance
to see the light of day, but someday i hope to change that
i believe i have a talent for writing and my mind is creative.
people may say that i lack focus or knowledge
fuck it, im probably unfocused and stupid, but i wont quit
i want to use the talents i have to do something good
and in my mind thats making movies or anything that will entertain people!!

help make that dream come true and believe
who knows, i might become famous and remember you...

untitled poem

you sit behind your wall of lies,
wearing your mask so the world knows not
the face that cries behind it.

emotions running wild in the mind
but damned if you will let the true ones show.
eyes fierce, seeing if that boy might ever
be the man you keep wishing for in those wild fantasies.

keep convincing yourself you are better off alone
than always hurting. Cover up with smiles
practically painted on, fighting off the onslaught
of other offers when the only one you want is gone.

-women are mysterious creatures and guys try to understand
-but they are also elusive.
-cant get too close without getting bit!
-they lose to push guys away so that they can keep coming
-back, until they push too hard.
-men only try to make women happy; that is if they let us.

can never be held down because they are
too independent, but can never be alone.
forever want guys around, but cant stand
when all they see is his face.

-we are fighting a losing battle, but we wont
-ever stop because we need love too...

getting back into the grind

so this week i have started going back to the gym after not going for about 2 months
i have to say that it is a lot harder than i expected, but i guess thats what i get
last time though i wasnt really focused on working out, but rather just getting bigger
now i think i have a different goal. i want to lose the weight i have put on and build muscle from the ground up(legs then upper body)
i like working out even though it always kicks my ass cause it makes me feel better
not only mentally, but physically.
im not talking about appearance wise, but like on the inside.
i feel like i run smoother when i work out rather than now
its probably like super obvious, but i usually see things when they slap me in the face so oh well
anyways, i think its gonna be a struggle getting started and keeping it up for a while
but im confident that once i get going i can keep it up
not stopping until i look like a fucking god!
also school is going alright...cant really complain too much

what is this sorcery!

i dont think i have anything interesting to say today but i feel like writing something so i hope you are all paying attention
im pretty sure i have multiple viruses on my computer and im too lazy to back everything up and reboot my computer
im sorta tired of playing all the games i have right now and im running out of ideas for movies to watch
as ive probably said like a million times, but i know no one reads this so its alright, i need a job or whatever
something to occupy my time that is constructive and will pay!
oh well, schools fun, life is alright...hopefully this year goes by smoothly and i can get on with the rest of my life haha

another year

well it seems like about this time last year i was in pretty deep and fucking my life up pretty bad
well had been a shitty year, but lets see if we can make this one just a little better
i have a few goals for this year that are pretty reasonable to meet and i think if i stay my ass out of trouble i can keep to my goals
i have some good friends and i think they will help me stay on track

another thing is im finally turning 21 this year so im looking forward to that!!
gonna be some exciting times!
i guess this is the year to go big or go home with all this speculation of the world ending and whatnot

so look out world i think i might actually make an impact this year, or at least make myself look better haha