feeling like a sucker

damn i just feel like im getting played and im not even talking to anyone
so there is this girl that i have a crush on and we would talk and stuff like that...
we hung out once and it was pretty chill and then every time i would ask her if she wanted to hang out she would agree and then make up some lame ass excuse
so then i told her i liked her but she freaked out as if i asked her to marry me...i just told her that i liked her
she pretty much told me that i cant like her without any explanation on the subject and stopped talking to me
ignores me for about a month or 2 and starts talking to me out of no where like this week and says we should hang out like a few days later.
so i talked to her a day before we were supposed to hang out and she said she was looking forward to it...so when the day comes that we are supposed to hang out she acts all casual and tells me that she is going to a concert as if she had planned on going the entire time.
now i feel like a complete asshole cause i was looking forward to hanging out and she just shits on our plans

part of me knew this was gonna happen and the other part of me was hoping we would actually hang out
now the question in my head is should i talk to her about this and believe that she wont pull this on me again or should i be the total asshole and blow her off completely
im leaning more towards the asshole way because this wasnt the first and its definitely going to be the last time she does this
the softer side of me says that i should give her a chance because i think i still have a shot
damn you feelings, why cant i just enjoy one thing in life

if there is ever such a thing...

sometimes i just wish that for one day my life could be like a movie
im not talking about the super unrealistic type of movie where ill be out in space or in a different dimension with super powers and shit
is it too much to ask to have that one perfect day in your life were things just seem to stand still and you can savor each moment of that day
i dont want everything in this day to be perfect because life isnt perfect, i want the regular stuff to happen but still have the greatest day of my life
i want that one day were i run into some amazingly cute girl walking along and by coincedence we happen to do something or say something that will fate us together forever
i dont want this day to last forever, but merely feel like it lasts forever
we will do all the things that people who have met for the first time do: talk about us, tell jokes,share a meal together, talk about the future, have a few drinks, and all that other stuff
im not asking to meet the girl of my dreams or ask her to marry me
all im asking for is one day.
one day that i will never forget, one day that i can tell everyone about, one day that only me and her would cherish, just one day

i just want one day

FUCK IT

the all too often phrase that i use for all my problems
it has worked for me for a while now, but im starting to see that to take that approach i cant make everyone happy
i dont like letting people down, but at the same time i cant let myself down
fuck it has been my go to phrase and now i have to stop all that
i actually need to start giving a fuck because i know soon that i will have to go off on my own with no one to stand behind me saying i got you
i think the hardest part of growing up is doing it alone because thats the only way to do it
i knew that i always had friends that i could depend on,but it seems like everyone is moving on with their lives and leaving me behind...looks like its about time to catch up and act my age

im lost and i think i like it

for once in my life i know that i have no idea what i want to do and i can accept it
i know that i usually dont do anything and like it, but now i know that im not doing anything and that there is nothing wrong with it
as of right now i really dont have a social life anymore which would have bothered me like a year ago, but now i only mind a little
id rather be doing something to better my situation than just off doing nothing most of the time
granted there are times when i wish i could just go off and have fun with friends

on the topic of friends: i know i have been quite relentless in calling them all fake and everything but i just thought of something
it isnt their fault that we dont communicate anymore
we are all changing and i didnt fit into their lives anymore and i think i can accept that now
i myself have done some growing up since last summer and i hope that i continue to mature because im liking myself a little more each day
hopefully i will be able to improve my situation soon because where im at right now isnt ideal but it suffices for now
i want to be able to afford luxuries when it is convenient for me and not when my parents can give me the money
i had gotten a second chance to turn my life around and im taking more advantage of it than i was the first time around
ill still make dumb choices but thats part of the learning experiences(lets hope these ones dont cost me as much in the end)

as of right now

ive always been an educated person and possibly even clever.
now that i think about it though ive never really been a smart person
i mean smart in the sense that i make the right decisions or choices.
i always do something to mess things up for myself whether that be on purpose or for some untold reason
im happy with my life but sometimes i wish it were better, now i know that everyone wishes their lives were better
im not talking about being rich, famous, or any combination of the two
i just want things to be a little more clear. give me a little direction
im not asking for a lot and i can possibly find this somewhere if i actually try to look
well the best thing i can do for myself i guess would be to keep looking for something to do with my life because right now i dont have an answer
i have an idea, but that will only get me so far
i need a push into the right direction
its so much harder to do when all the motivation in your life has gone and its just you standing there all alone.
the first step is the hardest and i dont want to take it alone
i dont care if no one will be there to push me as long as i have someone there to walk beside me...

one day i will be complete, but until then someone will have to be there to pick me up and say its ok to keep pushing forward

its been a while

so i havent written on here in a while
i dont really have much to talk about since i havent been doing anything that exciting
i got my car running and that was pretty koo i guess
also i have been playing fallout new vegas alot and thats about it
since my summer started i have just been sitting around the house
summer school is gonna be interesting but oh well
hopefully things start to look up for me this summer...
until then have fun everyone.

enjoy your summer

THOR

so i just saw this movie at the midnight showing and i have to say that it was a rather good movie. there were some very good fight scenes and also a good back story of how thor came to be.
the one thing that i didnt quite like was how they showed the initial back story, but thats just preference
all in all its another good addition to the marvel franchise and it follows the avenger path as well leading right from IRONMAN 2.
i would highly recommend seeing this movie if you like some action and a pretty good movie. the effects were really good as well

as a side note stan lee's cameo was a pretty good one this time. not to say that some of his others arent quite as subtle as this