the things you think you deserve

most people take a few things for granted and one of those are friends
i was one of these people because i thought my friends would always be there
ive been proven wrong on this one so many times
all of my friends come and go so i shouldnt be surprised
the worst part about this is that i invest so much time and energy into
these friendships that i have nothing to show for it when they ditch me
friends always say that something changed, its true. they didnt want to hang out
with you anymore but they just dont want to tell you
we all have our reasons for leaving because ive done it as well but it always sucks
looks like i cant keep bitching about it because its just going to just keep
happening and we just have to let it take its course.
just once id like someone to tell me straight up that they dont want to be my friend
i hate when someone keeps giving excuses for not hanging out and it goes on
for months or even years before it finally sinks in.

all i have to say is cherish your friendships because they are short lived, well some,
and you have to enjoy that time with those people.
otherwise we would all just be sulking around everywhere not wanting to interact
with people for fear they will eventually leave you as well.
friends are like food, most of the time theyre good but sooner or later there
wont be any left but it was always worth meal

half of this doesnt make sense but fuck it!!

first time for everything

i recently went to vegas for the first time and it wasnt anything like i expected
i ended up going with my dad and my sister. im 21 but my sister isnt!
really didnt get to do any of the crazy fun stuff everyone usually does in vegas
i did get to walk around a bunch of casinos and drink outside.
it wasnt all bad, played some slots and even won $12
i mean its a koo place to go if you are going with friends that share the same
interests as you, otherwise you will end up getting bored real quick like i did
i guess its not all fair because im not much of a site seer so i dont like to
just walk around and look at all the shit.
at least there were plenty of places to go eat and shit while we were there
now im really looking forward to going back with some friends and actually
doing something really fun in vegas. drinks at the pool, clubbing, see some shows
who knows what it will be like next time, but it cant get any worse!

i guess you really never know right

id say that im surprised but who am i kidding.
it seems like i have lost another group of friends but thats whatever
im not really offended that they dont want to talk to me
the only thing that really pissed me off is that they never told me.
i dont mind if you dont want to hang out with me or whatever, but at least
have the decency to tell me instead of ignoring me.

you know its weird how attached we become to our friends that once they are gone
that we feel lost and have no sense of place. maybe thats just how i feel
right now or maybe thats just how i always feel.
i mean ive lost friends before so its not like the end of the world or anything
the thing that i dislike the most is that ive done it so many times.

seriously like there are so many people i used to hang out with and now its like
i never see them because either they want nothing to do with me or we just dont
get along good enough to be in the same room. this means im alone right now with
the exception of my bestfriend who is always there for me, but we dont see each other
that often so its different. now i have to find a new group of friends that
accept me and want to spend time with me alot. its actually not that hard
but i dont want to be doing this every other year, maybe its my fault or their fault.
whatever, its past so now just to move forward and do something about it.

this is one of the many reasons i hate tucson and really need to move on from this
place. some people love it here, but its not for me and ive known that for some time.
just have to get through school and hopefully i can finally get out of here.

until then, have fun people

much in time

but a day goes by in this retched life
we all see what has become of us and yet not cry
for there is not a thing to be done
haste we show not, for the tidings we sow

love is eternal in its slumber, fear it well
for once it grasps there is no return.
it claws and digs until none is left, but
our true selves to sit and share

these days we may rue, but forget not
the time that has expired and gone
born to die, too timid to live
our fate is drawn, tempt it

Ever really wonder

I know there are such things as lucid dreams and I've had a couple before, but this last one I had was way too surreal.
I don't want to give you the whole story because I'd like to keep that for me.
However I can give you guys a little taste cause I don't want to be a jerk.

So you know how most people have a girl of their dreams, well in my dream I actually meet the girl in my dreams.
It was amazing, one of the best experiences ever and it felt as real as waking life.
One of those most bizarre things about dreams is that they feel so real yet they are so different than
Anything we experience in waking life because of how we perceive things.
Time doesn't matter in these situations so many years, seconds, days, whatever can pass in your dream and you are non the wiser.
The meaning of our dreams is only for us to interpret so giving you details wouldn't help you guys.

Well I hope I can see her again one day in my dreams or even better in waking life! One can only dream.

Who knows

Alright so far this semester of school has been pretty good to me, let's just hope it lasts.
Been doing good in school our at last I think I am haha
Have some good friends and shit has been looking up, still haven't found a new job but that's on me.
Been too lazy to go out and look for a new one, but I will get one soon cause I miss having money that's mine.
Love being 21 cause it's awesome. Going out to bars and not worrying about getting caught drinking underage, it's the best feeling in the world.
I missed being on an actual campus because pima it's nothing compared to a university. There's girls every where all the time!
I'm just glad that I was able to get my life back together after all the stuff I had been through. It's been tough but I did it.
Shout out to my bestfriend Vanesa cause she is the best, she may claim I help her more than she helps me but that's a lie.
She doors so much for me and is always looking out for me no matter what:)
idk what else to tell you guys other than this is starting to look like my life is getting into a good place and I like it.
I'm always talking about the next big thing I'm going to do, but the only thing left to do is just to keep on living.
Nothing is going to get in my way or slow me down, I just have to take everything one step at a time and try not to fuck everything up again!

Oh well, see you ladies later cause I have class and then it's whatever happens after that.
Until next time, keep  praising me as your fearless leader ;)

Its never too late

Hey everyone, its been too long since ive updated you on whats happening.
Well no job anymore but its alright, fun while it lasted.
Started at the UofA finally and i have to tell you its so much better than pima! Was getting so tired of that place it wasnt even funny.
So many girls here its like being in heaven or something like that. Plus they aarent all stuck up, well most of them.
Idk what else to tell all you, started a new workout plan! Should be tons of fun once i stop hurting and stuff.
2nd redhead i saw today and i have to say, i like what i see :)
Well ill try to keep you updated, somewhat. Might find something better to do with my spare time or just get a job.

Oh vegas next month, super pumped!