my own trap...the mind

lately ive been feeling lost in my mind and idk why
i have seemed to seperate myself from the world except for my close friends
i had plans to get out and enjoy life but for some reason i cant seem to bring myself back to reality and out of my mind
idk if i am feeling lonely because i dont have anyone with an emotional connection to turn to or if im just feeling overwhelmed by the insignificance that i am compared to the world
all of this has pushed me back into my head like i used to be
none of this is good and its affecting my life even if most dont know it
i really dont want to go out and socialize because although i know it will be for fun a part of me is sayin...why go out and meet new people and create memories that will only fall apart and fade quickly.
and for the feeling lonely part im at a loss for thoughts because my heart is longing for some emotion but my mind is telling me that it is not worth it right now
me as a person is caught in the middle because i want someone to be there for me but i dont want to hurt them or me since i wont be here long
my mind is an elusive trap which i have fallen victim to and the only way out is to do what i have to
i have said that i am a complex individual and people may agree or say that i am easy to read...i really dont care how people see me because i am who i am
i would say that i wish things were back to the way they were...if you are reading this....but i cant keep kidding myself because the only reason that im thinking that is because im feeling alone right now
things happen reason or not but we have to deal with the outcome and keep looking forward. the past can only teach us one things...mistakes!
you may ask why i only said mistakes and not successes...well that is because we can always learn from mistakes but we can never follow in someones success because we must make our own success.
live, learn, love

our mind is a dangerous tool which can help us or hurt us
dont ever take it for granted and dont always listen to it because you also have a heart...

Cowboy Bebop!

So many people go through life and never watch anime cause they think its for little kids when in fact its the opposite
sure they are drawn but that doesnt take aways from the quality of the story or whatever you look for in a show

well i want to tell you all about a show that was created in 1998 but is still very popular to this day!
its called COWBOY BEBOP and its pretty much the shit
yea i know wat you are thinking..if it has the word cowboy in it then it had to be gay but thats where you are mistaken
its a show about a group of bounty-hunters that travel space in the year 2071 trying to make a living collecting bounties
although this sounds like a great show..there were only 26 episodes made which tell the entire story!
they also made a movie but i havent watched it yet.

so if this sounds like something interesting to you all that read my blog then you should check it out...it comes out on [adultswim] which is on cartoonnetwork during latenight or you can google it
have fun

Leaving the Nest

well the time is quickly approaching when i have to leave everything that i know and try to start a new life in college.
sure it may be a little overwhelming at first and hard to leave it all behind but i feel confident that i am able to adapt to my new life
i feel no regrets about leaving Tucson or anything here because i know it will all still be here when come back..whenever that is
im going to miss my friends because they are the ones i grew up with but i cant have them holding me down..i love them
i want to leave home because i am one of those people that learns from the real experience so its better to just cut ties and do things on my own
not to say im not grateful for everything that has happened in my life up to this point because it all taught me the important things in life
i will never forget all the memories i have made before this..the good and the bad
never forget all those girls i have chased, all the friends that have come and gone, all the places ive been, and all those countless moments that are just one of a kind
now even though my entire life is here i know i will succeed over at ASU because i am ready to enjoy all that it has to offer.
plenty of girls to chase, more friends to make, many places to see, and numberless moments to be had

so i leave you with this...
up until this point remember your whole life...think of a path that will completely change what you have done with your life so far and take it because life is about taking risks
you may feel regret, remorse, and reprive but in the end you can always say that you did it and no one can take that away from you
so make the most of life because the only thing holding you back is time!

women

well i know ive written so many posts about women and most of the time i never know wat it is that im talking about but i dont care cause its my blog :P

anyways i was thinking to myself the other day...this may not make any sense cause it was in my head but im going to try my best to express it into words
so to start off wat is the point in having a girlfriend/boyfriend?
well most people will say because they like that person or even love that person
but let me ask you this...isnt the ultimate goal of liking someone to find that one person that you will love forever and possibly have children with?
please dont get me wrong im not saying that you only need one person in your life..but people dont involve yourself in the drama of classifing boyfriends and girlfriends because sure its fun but it can turn itself into a giant mess

all of wat i just said above doesnt mean that you cant be with someone but dont make it more serious than it is. i know i am probably the person with the little experience but my mind knows more than i know it does! so if you ever wanted to listen to someone that didnt know wat they were talking about like most people already do (hint) then listen to me.
it may seem i never know wat im talkin about, i may even change my mind, but that doesnt mean that everythign i say isnt true.
just think about wat i have said cause if you are one of the few people that ever reads wat i write then you may see that there is truth in insanity.

and if you disagree with me please correct me cause i rarely know wat i am talking about

time for something new

alright so its time for something new
a new chapter of my life is about to begin and its exactly what i need cause ive been so used to the usual stuff and it is irritating me
i just want something exciting to happen
i lost a great friend and he is irreplaceable so i have to make do with that and now i have to deal with getting ready for a new school
while at the same time try not to lose touch with my friends

i want to hurry and leave tucson because i think the longer i stay here the more i will hold myself back from something great
no offense to tucson cause all of my memories are here but i just need something more exciting and fresh
i know i will be scared to get out and try new things but i am just going to have to man up and take the plunge
i feel uncomplete here and i want to go out and find out what it is that im missing
i know that i wont just stubble upon it but i will have to search for it
and along the way i hope i have some good times and meet some great people cause i think life is about finding out what we need to do and have fun with the people that matter along the way
i want something new without giving up all the old
if only life were so simple...

tell me which direction to go and i will forge a path of greatness

so much change

well its only been like 2 weeks since graduation and already soo much has changed and idk if its a bad thing or a good thing
everything from high school has already been thrown out and we are all new people
i swear people are getting jobs, going on trips, moving away...its all very unreal but at the same time we knew it was going to happen

lets see so many of my friends are getting jobs cause they need to pay for school or they just want extra cash..i applaud them either way because they are doing wat they need to do to get wat they want
already people have gone on trips to wherever they want to go because its their one chance to go..ive seen people go to mexico, spain and just everywhere.
people are even moving like my friend grecia is going away to live in LA...and the sadest part of all this change is that i have said goodbye to my best friend...

no he hasnt died but it might as well have been because hes not with us anymore..some people may say im gay or just over reacting but fuck em cause it feels like ive also lost a part of myself.
i know that 4 years isnt much time in life but i managed to make a true friend in that short amount of time that i will never forget. his name is ricky provencio and im glad to say that he is my bestfriend. i swear me and him have been through so much in these past 4 years and its hard to believe that he is already gone. i remember freshman year i met him and i fucking hated him cause i thought he was an asshole but then i came to realize that this asshole could be my friend...from then on everyone knew that if we were together that shit was going down. it was hard enough having him move schools but not as hard as seeing him leave this time. in this past year we have grown so much cause we have been so close. this kid owes me his life but there is still no way to repay him for helping me become the person i am today. all the countless times we went partying, just kicked it, argued, and everything in between has been a blessing. most people cant say that they have had a true friend like this..well fuck everyone cause this nigga was one of a kind..and people will cry (like chris) and say they have been bestfriends with ricky from the 1st grade but fuck it..nigga imma miss you and im not scared to say i love you.
hopefully this wasnt the last time i will see you and looking forward to how its going to be in the future.

change is bittersweet because even though we are sad about the things that have happened there is always something new to look forward to

wat do you do next?

well let me tell you a little something about life...
thats right i still dont know anything new but its ok cause im ready to learn something haha
anyways this past week has been way too amazing for me to even put into words
lets see it began by hanging out with my great group of friends from school who i love to death cause these guys are fucking awesome even if no one else sees it in them..thats right im talking about chivo, natcho, hector, victor, ben, alex, jesus and chin. you guys are the best and i wont ever forget you..plus there are going to be more fun days ahead of us.
then it was graduation night on wednesday which was unbelieveable! then began the great week of partying with all my friends which was too much fun.
i love how my parents let me be myself now and let me do the things i want to:)
well wednesday hung out with a bunch of friends including most of the people i wanted to see that night, then thursday kicked it at annamaries with: frank, esau, hillary, janelle, ney, liz and her bf, on friday went out to the movies with the gang and saw blanka before going out, saturday we hung out with natcho at his party and then chilled at gregs, sunday was fun cause i had my little get together then went to nicoles little party and from there kinda just kicked it at home with the family and didnt even sleep until 9 this morning which was awsome cause i just woke up at 6 and had a bro day with ricky...muthafucka imma miss you!

if i had this much fun in a week imagine the fun im going to have with the rest of my life. so if anyone asks me what am i going to do with my life..im going to tell them idk and im going to have fun doing it haha
all i can offer people that are looking for an answer to what they are going to do next is just have fun doing it.
if you dont enjoy it then change it, if possible.
now lets all go out there and have fun because i think thats wat life is all about is having fun with the people you want to have fun with! :)