getting back into the grind

so this week i have started going back to the gym after not going for about 2 months
i have to say that it is a lot harder than i expected, but i guess thats what i get
last time though i wasnt really focused on working out, but rather just getting bigger
now i think i have a different goal. i want to lose the weight i have put on and build muscle from the ground up(legs then upper body)
i like working out even though it always kicks my ass cause it makes me feel better
not only mentally, but physically.
im not talking about appearance wise, but like on the inside.
i feel like i run smoother when i work out rather than now
its probably like super obvious, but i usually see things when they slap me in the face so oh well
anyways, i think its gonna be a struggle getting started and keeping it up for a while
but im confident that once i get going i can keep it up
not stopping until i look like a fucking god!
also school is going alright...cant really complain too much

what is this sorcery!

i dont think i have anything interesting to say today but i feel like writing something so i hope you are all paying attention
im pretty sure i have multiple viruses on my computer and im too lazy to back everything up and reboot my computer
im sorta tired of playing all the games i have right now and im running out of ideas for movies to watch
as ive probably said like a million times, but i know no one reads this so its alright, i need a job or whatever
something to occupy my time that is constructive and will pay!
oh well, schools fun, life is alright...hopefully this year goes by smoothly and i can get on with the rest of my life haha

another year

well it seems like about this time last year i was in pretty deep and fucking my life up pretty bad
well had been a shitty year, but lets see if we can make this one just a little better
i have a few goals for this year that are pretty reasonable to meet and i think if i stay my ass out of trouble i can keep to my goals
i have some good friends and i think they will help me stay on track

another thing is im finally turning 21 this year so im looking forward to that!!
gonna be some exciting times!
i guess this is the year to go big or go home with all this speculation of the world ending and whatnot

so look out world i think i might actually make an impact this year, or at least make myself look better haha

im on a roll

well as i sit here in front of my computer like i do on most nights i feel the need to write stuff down and i dont know why
where to begin, the new year has started off kinda slow and idk what to make of it?
i guess its good that its been uneventful considering where i was about this time last year. i have come a long way and at the same time ive taken so many steps back.
i have learned a bit more self control and how to say no to something that could potentially be the wrong thing for me, but i really havent done much with my life besides go to school. I havent met any of my plans: such as move out, get a job, or become self reliant.
Now i can see that ive made some progress, but it still isnt what i want. Hopefully this year i can do more for myself and get some of the things i need done.

On another note, i feel really confident about the movies that are coming out soon(as you know im a bit of a movie enthusiast) because although some may be remakes of older versions and some originals, they seem to be promising. Both in quality and that movie nuance. Non the less i am excited for plenty of titles to come out and i dont think i can wait for some.
They should really start paying me to go to the movies as much as i go, seriously.

Also i think this year im going to start changing up my style just to break things up. New year, new me. Well maybe not completely change it, but lets say add a little more class and sophistication to it, i guess haha

im tired of ranting for tonight, until the next time....whenever that might be

Lighten the Mood

Fear

there are many things in the world that people are afraid of and there are things that people fear!
being afraid of something means that you are aware of what it is and why it makes you afraid of it, but to fear something is completely different.
it is that feeling there is something waiting for you around that dark corner, the unexpected noise in the middle of the night, or the thought of waking up and not knowing where you are.

I have this idea for the scariest movie ever, but i really want to understand fear in its most basic and primal essence. Im not talking about going to some haunted house or reading stories of monsters. What i am looking for is that gut wrenching fear that grabs a hold of a person that stops them in their tracks with no explanation or reason. That fear that stops all brain activity so that you focus in on the most basic thoughts.
I dont want this to be a grotesque movie that scares the audience by disgusting them, or creating some scenario where a demonic presence that remains unseen terrifies people, or were a weapon wielding psycho kills a bunch of hot teens.
I want to make a movie that psychologically scares the auidence to the point were they will leave the theater in fear of something that cant be simply explained or forgotten. I want to grab each person that watches this movie and have them tremble at the thought of being scared because they will truely know what fear is.
This might be hard to grasp because throughout history scary movies have a bad guy or something that represents a bad thing. I dont want to be typical or trivial.
I want this to be raw and original, primal even. Take the most basic definition of fear and use that to incite that fear upon my viewers.

Now you may ask how i plan on making such a film. Well to answer that simply, idk? I will say that i will find a way because if its one thing i want to do, thats to make a movie that will change the game. I dont my movie to be looked at as some horror film because it might not even be one. It will be merely a look into the inner realm of the mind that most people tend to hide from and not let their mind delve into.
I dare you to let your mind wander into that dark void and see what you can find there. You might just find out that you may have a very dark side...