poetry

so most of you didnt know that i took poetry this semester and that im actually
a pretty great poet. well i did take it and i am a pretty good poet.
i started off the semester thinking that it was gonna be all rhyming and shit
but it actually turned out to be a lot different
i learned how to actually write poetry and not just random shit that kinda
might sound like poetry. i had some fun in this class and i think it
will help me in my writings. it helped me unlock some of my creative
whatever you want to call them, but i feel like i dont have to try as hard
to come up with something that sounds creative.
i recommend this class to you people, not as like a mandatory class, but rather
just a class to take because it not only helps you become a better writer.
It can also help you get a better understanding of yourself. I still dont really
get poetry and how to analyze them, but i know i can write them

truth is inevitable, the fun is in the discovery otherwise we have only found a fact
of life instead of a moment to tie to an emotion

wow

that last post was pretty intense and im pertty sure i meant all of
it, but there is still a part of me that wants to be a badass
i guess its the constant struggle, do you follow the path of the
asshole who does awesome shit or do you tie yourself down with a
pretty girl and have the time of your lives?
idk how i feel about this and i will have plenty of time
i mean come on, i just started my 20s!!
this is some intense shit here people
ohh well, i hope i meet a girl that good for me, and a few others
along the way to make that last one just that much more special

ps. i am a BADASS

yea i already know

im not the most attractive muthafucka out there and i am by no means
the worst looking one either, i would consider myself in the upper medium
of the medium...i know it doesnt make sense but fuck it
so with that, i really do find it hard to even get a girl to talk to me
sure i dress like im in high school, wait i dont dress like a pretentious
douchebag...well i dont have the latest fashion expertise and i dont really
have that good of game to be honest. i get so nervous around girls its stupid
i have also come to the realization that no one really likes me when they first
meet me, but afterwards people love me
for once in my life i wish girls would walk up to me and want to talk
im not saying they have to do all the work, ask me out on a date, or even take
control...i just want a pretty girl to be interested enough in me to randomly
walk up to me and say hi at least. i feel that pretty girls are put up so
high that they cant come back down to the level of normal people...im not trying
to say they are stuck up cause its not their fault. all these pretty girls have
these guys after them all the time, constantly hitting on them and saying nice
things that if you were to ever participate in the same, that you would seem like
every other guy that likes that girl. if you dont meet that girls standards then
you are out of luck because there are like a dozen other guys to fill your spot.
i wish girls would take control and tell guys that they like them, its happened to
me so many times that ive liked a girl and been too nervous to tell her and nothing
happens until like years later it will come up in conversation, jokingly, and you
find out that they had feelings too...it would have helped if i would have said
something too...hindsight is always 20/20... but i keep hearing girls say that all
these guys are wasting the girls time playing games, when its the girls that are playing
the games..they say they dont need a bf or that they need bf, but never give most guys
the light of day. sometimes i wish i would have told some girls how i felt about them
but i dont think it would have made a differnce because im just the regular guy

i like being that regular guy that doesnt have a job, still lives at home, plays
videogames all day, and works out almost regularly.
i listen to random ass music and do weird shit.
i love watching movies like my life depended on it
i stay up way later than i should for no apparent reason other than staying up late
i want to be a writer, yet i havent written a single thing or read any books
i have no goal in life
i have nerd friends and i have asshole friends
im the laziest person ever
i dont like going places, unless i have a really good reason
i have the craziest thoughts that might scare most people
i have let so many people just walk out of my life
i am not even tall
i have a hard time talking to pretty girls
i dont play games with people
i am smart, but also very stupid at the same time
im just a regular guy

i dont ask for much, but when i do it means something
all i want is a pretty girl in my life, we dont have to be lovers, she doesnt have to be my gf
she could be my friend...i dont like being alone and as long as i have someone with me
i dont have to worry about being alone. i spend most of my day thinking about all
the stuff i wish i could do with my gf, drive around for hours, just sit and talk until
we had nothing left to say, watch movies all day in sweats because we are too lazy to get
dressed, try to cook her something that doesnt taste like shit, just walk around holding
hands like idiots, cuddle until we fell asleep, kiss under the stars, just be happy
that the other is right next to them.
i dont ask for much.

another year older, another year wiser

my birthday came and went just like they all have before
i find myself in this weird spot now because im 20 and lets be honest
thats like this weirdest age to be, ever!
you are no longer a teenager and you arent old enough to legally drink yet
i mean whoevers smart ass idea it was to make 21 the legal drinking age must
be a little out of their minds
aside from all that nonsense it was a pretty fun birthday
by no way did even compare to last years, but it was still fun non the less
everyone told me happy birthday and i was genuinely happy
these past few days have been great, i havent really done much but i feel
humble in a sort of way...im certain that this will pass soon and ill be back
to my old self worrying about shit that doesnt matter and doing things i shouldnt be doing
but for right now i can say that i like it
as for the wiser part, i dont think ive gotten any smarter than i was a week ago, but i did
realize that its not about how smart you are that makes you wise...its about what you do with
that knowledge.. for instance i was teaching my younger cousin the finer points of how to hold
a glass bottle because he was trying to tell me the way i was doing it was wrong
dumbass isnt even a teenager, what little he knows about what is about to befall him!
anyways i think that im going to start making better use of my wisdom by telling people
what i have learned so far rather than trying to achieve the highest wisdom there is..
that is not to say that i will not try to learn from those that have more to teach

the only thing i hope is that this year brings a better time than the last because
although last year was fun, to say the least, i dont think i can have another one of those years any
time soon....

whats up bitches

so i havent been on here for a while and i think its about time i write something right
well recently i had like a conference with my poetry teacher and we were talking alot about my work
she was telling me that my poetry needed some work, but she commented that i have the potential
to become a great prose writer! this fucking made my day because as a matter of fact i actually want to
become a prose writer and hopefully someday be published
aside from that she said that a couple of my poems were actually pretty good too
that was about the highlight of my week!

and to top it all off its going to be my birthday in a week and i will no longer be a teenager, but enter
into the hell that is being 20 yrs old! that one fucking year between being a punk ass kid and
being a dumbass that can drink legally!
so im ready for this new year of my life to begin and do something new

im open to new experiences and i really hope that they will present themselves because this city
is really starting to get on my nerves. its like a shitty repeat of high school, with less school hours
and less friends to share it with! all i want is for tucson to be better than it is, but that just seems way too
much to ask for. everyone tells me if i hate it so much to just move away, but its not as simple as a wish
if i could move i would have already left, but im stuck here until i start to do something with my life
and it doesnt look like thats happening anytime soon.

on a side note: i really cant wait until its starts getting cold and stuff so that i can start wearing sweaters
already cause i fucking love hoodie season.

times are changing

i was talking with my cousin this past weekend and she has like 4 kids already and one of them who is like 12
is gettign all this attention from like a bunch of girls and she is kinda worried about it
normally i would be like that kid is awesome, but she was telling how these little girls act and its pretty bad
i mean these girls are like 11-14 yrs old and are out for blood!
in my head i was thinking like where were these girls when we were little but after thinking about it for a while
i realized that something wasnt right...these little girls are being way too forward for their age.
im all for doing some fun stuff while you are young but i mean things are just getting way out of hand
in todays society and i think its not good at all.
i mean these little girls are practically stalking my cousin from what i hear, my cousin gave him a phone
and had to take it away from him cause those little girls would not leave him alone at like all hours of the day
she said it was getting to the point where she was shocked at what these girls were txting to him and they are
barely teenagers. all i have to say is that there is a time and a place for everything and i think that this
kind of behavior should maybe wait a couple more years when these kids learn some damn self control
and actually know what they are doing. there is a real potential here for things to turn out really bad in the near future
for plenty of kids and i dont like seeing it among people my age and i dont think i would tolerate it any better
coming from that age group.
so if you know of shit like this happening, just take a moment to slap some damn sense into these kids
so that they know whats up! cause i think most of them dont have a clue what they are getting themselves into

lets do this shit

yea so lately ive been feeling pretty excited about things
you know im feeling good and i like the way things are going for me
right now and i dont really feel like complaining
gonna kick it with the bros this weekend, that should be fun
since the last time we hung out most of us dont really remember
that night past a certain point haha
the only thing i miss is my other friends who are always fucking
busy with their lives and fucking work and shit
its like hey man take a fucking break for once cause you have your
whole life to work and be lame and shit
other than that im having fun and living it up as much as i can
my birthdays coming up and pretty excited about that
not gonna be a teenager anymore, that just sounds weird as
shit but its just one of those things that you cant really help
im just trying to figure out how to top my birthday last year
because that was one of the best nights of my life and i dont think
i can ever have that much fun, but i dont wanna jump the gun
hopefully 2012 will be a good year and definitely better than this year
the only way to go is up so see you all at the top

aside from practically no one reading this i have decided to make my thoughts
more public and i made a twitter again.
if you want to follow me (im not that interesting) @goingcray
bitches.

football shit

that shit was pretty crazy (3rd week) cause there were so many upsets
first the eagles lose which i wasnt too happy about, but shit happens right
then out of no where the BILLS beat the patriots for a 3-0 record, first time its been done
for the bills since 1980!
then the LIONS come out and win in OT for a 3-0 record so far
football is changing and this is pretty sweet
just started getting into it, but its pretty fun and im kinda sad that i hated on it
for so long and now i can really say im a fan
im in it for the long haul so i just want to let everyone know that the EAGLES are my
team and you can say what you want cause im gonna support my team!
now lets see if VICK can stop being a pussy and win some more games haha :)

changing it up

i have been progressively feeling better over like these past few months, with the exception of feeling
down on myself occasionally, but other than that its been good.
so for the past few months i have been going to the gym almost everyday
to get back in shape since i put on about 30 lbs when i came back from ASU.
im pretty sure that i have kept the same weight, but im happy to say that most of it is now
muscle instead of flabby fat, its still a work in progress so hopefully i can get to a good
size and then just maintain it because i dont want to get too big!
along with my new look with muscles, it has just made me feel more confident in myself
and it just makes me happy. i notice girls checking me out now, which used to be like
on rare occasions when i was the little 120 lb kid i was in high school.
and overall i feel like im better health like i can do more things, unlike before i wouldnt
want to get off my bed cause i was playing videogames all day..i still wish i could do that
but i have other things that i have to take care of like school and the gym and finding
other things that are better alternatives.
i think with all this confidence now im going to change up my style because since its a new me
i figure everyone should see me that way too.

feeling it

so lately i had been feeling annoyed with the way things were but you know i was just having a bad time and i didnt like it at all so i finally just went out and let loose and it felt awesome you know i was fire like all night and nothing was going to stop me kicked it with some old friends meeting new friends got to talk to some cute girls for a change cause there arent any at pima thats for sure had a fucking great time and it was all really chill i even got some girls phone numbers, i feel like im a little kid again going through the mall trying to pick up chicks haha all in all, it was a much needed night and im glad i did it because if not id probably still be frustrated and shit gotta be feeling it all the time!

whatever im bored as fuck

yea ive just been super fucking bored lately and its not really that fun i seriously need to do something with my life pretty soon because i mean im heading in the right direction, but ive just come to like a stand still sure going to school is the right thing to do, but i feel like i need to do more with my life right now and i think i know what i have to do, which i really dont want to do i hate looking for a job because if you dont have tits its most likely that you wont get hired anywhere that pays alright or doesnt suck major ass. aside from that im getting really tired of just sitting at home all day, im pretty sure they call it a vacation because i cant see myself sitting on the couch everyday for another month or ill explode i really want to get out and do something, but theres nothing to do sure im going to get the generic response: theres plenty to do you just have to find it what people dont realize is that this is tucson and there really isnt much to do here if i want to take up a hobby, i have to pay for it; if i want to get a job i need to find one(which ive been looking for since january); bottom line is that i need to find something to do or get the fuck out of here damn you horrible economy and this crappy time that we live in people say its the future that we need to look forward to, but what they dont realize is that by the time the future rolls around and everything is fine and dandy everyone will fucking hate their lives and not want anything to do with the future or at least thats how i think its going to be for me haha on a lighter note : i need new friends because the ones i have never seem to be around so its just like not having friends...i feel like a freshman all over again at least it was easy to make friends in high school cause once you get into the real world no body wants to talk to you, girls dont want to talk to you unless you are rich or a douchebag, jobs wont hire you unless you have work experience, and my parents wont stop bugging me until i do something with my lfie....it seems like a cycle of crap but im not quite sure ill get back to you on that one in the mean time...stay classy or something like that

just a little something!

it all began a while back and i dont even remember when... i guess i added this girl on facebook as i often do when i get bored and i start to notice that i have like all these notifications, which is weird because i no one ever talks to me right. so i investigate this strange phenomenon i discover that there is this girl that is "liking" all my pictures and statuses in my head im thinking that this is going to be like some ugly girl or something like that to my surprise its this girl and she is pretty cute...i look on her profile thing to see how old she is because although cute looking, she does look a bit young upon searching there was no age verification so i play it safe and dont do anything a few weeks go by and she is relentless with my posts and pics, just "liking" everything (this was not a bad thing because i loved all the notifications) so one day i decide that im going to contact my mystery facebook stalker and see if she will talk to me, since she is stalking me by this point :P i ask her why she is stalking me and she replies that i should be so lucky to be stalked by her and that she merely liked all the things that i did and found me fascinating we end up talking for a while, upon which i find out that she is only 16 you can imagine my hopes of getting anywhere with this girl were crushed, but she kept on talking to me and trying to get me to flirt with her (her exact words) she told me that she never really liked older guys until she started talking to me so naturally i felt like a badass, but i had to decline on the flirting since im like 3 years older than her. without skipping a beat we just keep talking and eventually become friends and stuff..i asked her about why she stalked me and she immediately declined ever such an action, but i know she was...i bet she will still deny it well then her birthday was coming up and she kept wanting me to flirt with her and kept telling her that i couldnt because im not trying to go to jail haha so for her birthday i spit a little game, between good friends, as a little birthday present now we are like super good friends and she starts telling me all her life problems like im supposed to fix them, hahaha im a great listener. i impart my great wisdom onto her because i mean what else am i going to do with it, pass it on to some guy on the street? she listens to all the boring crap i have to say cause i need someone to talk to since all my bestfriends are MIA. then out of no where she decided that she hated me for like a week because i was probably being my regular asshole self and pissed her off after that we were koo again because we are both awesome! so then we were talking and i was telling her about my blog(which is this one right here) and how i had included her in the previous post, she was stoked to say the least to which i replied i would write an entire post dedicated solely to her! she was smitten by that cause who wouldnt want someone to write about them? now to all of you reading that arent her (cause i know you are reading this too) the name of this tenacious, amazing, totally chill girl is VANESA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D yea shes pretty awesome and its safe to say that im making her one of my bestfriends because she fucking deserves it! i mean if someone is willing to put up with me all the time then they are fucking worth keeping around also she is pretty weird cause shes totally hipster but doesnt like to admit it haha shes one of those metal heads which is koo i guess :P id say im protective of her cause shes littttle hahaha so no one better mess with her i also visited her one time at walgreens where she works and that was like one of the most awkward 5 mins of my life and i blame her for that, since she works there hahaha needless to say she has some pretty powerful swag too

in [blank] i trust

so im going to start writing on here regularly, or more often than once a month
anyways shits getting pretty real i guess.
so still havent gotten a job but seriously considering getting one soon so that i can save up and try to move out[fingers crossed]
other than that ive been pretty good, keeping out of trouble and going to school
all those days of partying are over, there are the ocassional parties but not like there used to be like every weekend
times are changing and its difficult growing up.
people always tell you its hard growing up and they were fucking right because its harder than shit
i guess the main part is to just stay positive because thats the right thing to do...
one thing i learned is that you dont get results right away in real life, you always have to wait for something good.
so i try not to rush things now because the one thing i have on my side is time
it kinda sucks that i dont have a girl friend right now but oh well, in due time
on that note i have this awesome friend, VANESA, who is pretty much a badass
she is the coolest kid ever!

embrassing the inner me

so most people already know that i can be a bit of an asshole at times, but im more of a nice guy when i can be
i think im going to have to change that because even though i would like to believe im doing myself a favor by being the nice guy, its not getting me anywhere
all its gotten me so far is a few shitty girlfriends, a few good friends, endless hours logged playing video games by myself, and stuck writing this
most of the mean shit that i could just blurt out any time that i chose to, i keep tucked away in my head where i try to suppress the urge to yell it out
to all those people that know im an asshole, thats just the tip of the iceberg because i only let out a tiny bit of what is actually on my mind.
i know plenty of people make fun of me but you know whatever i say wont change a thing so i continue to further embarrass myself
i feel that i should just embrace what is going on in my head and just speak what i think because i mean, how much worse could it get if i just tell the truth.
i mean its not like im going to have less friends than i already have, its not like im not gonna stay home and play video games, and its not like people are going to hate me any less.
im going to just show everyone who i am on the inside because what else am i going to do with my life

feeling like a sucker

damn i just feel like im getting played and im not even talking to anyone
so there is this girl that i have a crush on and we would talk and stuff like that...
we hung out once and it was pretty chill and then every time i would ask her if she wanted to hang out she would agree and then make up some lame ass excuse
so then i told her i liked her but she freaked out as if i asked her to marry me...i just told her that i liked her
she pretty much told me that i cant like her without any explanation on the subject and stopped talking to me
ignores me for about a month or 2 and starts talking to me out of no where like this week and says we should hang out like a few days later.
so i talked to her a day before we were supposed to hang out and she said she was looking forward to it...so when the day comes that we are supposed to hang out she acts all casual and tells me that she is going to a concert as if she had planned on going the entire time.
now i feel like a complete asshole cause i was looking forward to hanging out and she just shits on our plans

part of me knew this was gonna happen and the other part of me was hoping we would actually hang out
now the question in my head is should i talk to her about this and believe that she wont pull this on me again or should i be the total asshole and blow her off completely
im leaning more towards the asshole way because this wasnt the first and its definitely going to be the last time she does this
the softer side of me says that i should give her a chance because i think i still have a shot
damn you feelings, why cant i just enjoy one thing in life

if there is ever such a thing...

sometimes i just wish that for one day my life could be like a movie
im not talking about the super unrealistic type of movie where ill be out in space or in a different dimension with super powers and shit
is it too much to ask to have that one perfect day in your life were things just seem to stand still and you can savor each moment of that day
i dont want everything in this day to be perfect because life isnt perfect, i want the regular stuff to happen but still have the greatest day of my life
i want that one day were i run into some amazingly cute girl walking along and by coincedence we happen to do something or say something that will fate us together forever
i dont want this day to last forever, but merely feel like it lasts forever
we will do all the things that people who have met for the first time do: talk about us, tell jokes,share a meal together, talk about the future, have a few drinks, and all that other stuff
im not asking to meet the girl of my dreams or ask her to marry me
all im asking for is one day.
one day that i will never forget, one day that i can tell everyone about, one day that only me and her would cherish, just one day

i just want one day

FUCK IT

the all too often phrase that i use for all my problems
it has worked for me for a while now, but im starting to see that to take that approach i cant make everyone happy
i dont like letting people down, but at the same time i cant let myself down
fuck it has been my go to phrase and now i have to stop all that
i actually need to start giving a fuck because i know soon that i will have to go off on my own with no one to stand behind me saying i got you
i think the hardest part of growing up is doing it alone because thats the only way to do it
i knew that i always had friends that i could depend on,but it seems like everyone is moving on with their lives and leaving me behind...looks like its about time to catch up and act my age

im lost and i think i like it

for once in my life i know that i have no idea what i want to do and i can accept it
i know that i usually dont do anything and like it, but now i know that im not doing anything and that there is nothing wrong with it
as of right now i really dont have a social life anymore which would have bothered me like a year ago, but now i only mind a little
id rather be doing something to better my situation than just off doing nothing most of the time
granted there are times when i wish i could just go off and have fun with friends

on the topic of friends: i know i have been quite relentless in calling them all fake and everything but i just thought of something
it isnt their fault that we dont communicate anymore
we are all changing and i didnt fit into their lives anymore and i think i can accept that now
i myself have done some growing up since last summer and i hope that i continue to mature because im liking myself a little more each day
hopefully i will be able to improve my situation soon because where im at right now isnt ideal but it suffices for now
i want to be able to afford luxuries when it is convenient for me and not when my parents can give me the money
i had gotten a second chance to turn my life around and im taking more advantage of it than i was the first time around
ill still make dumb choices but thats part of the learning experiences(lets hope these ones dont cost me as much in the end)

as of right now

ive always been an educated person and possibly even clever.
now that i think about it though ive never really been a smart person
i mean smart in the sense that i make the right decisions or choices.
i always do something to mess things up for myself whether that be on purpose or for some untold reason
im happy with my life but sometimes i wish it were better, now i know that everyone wishes their lives were better
im not talking about being rich, famous, or any combination of the two
i just want things to be a little more clear. give me a little direction
im not asking for a lot and i can possibly find this somewhere if i actually try to look
well the best thing i can do for myself i guess would be to keep looking for something to do with my life because right now i dont have an answer
i have an idea, but that will only get me so far
i need a push into the right direction
its so much harder to do when all the motivation in your life has gone and its just you standing there all alone.
the first step is the hardest and i dont want to take it alone
i dont care if no one will be there to push me as long as i have someone there to walk beside me...

one day i will be complete, but until then someone will have to be there to pick me up and say its ok to keep pushing forward

its been a while

so i havent written on here in a while
i dont really have much to talk about since i havent been doing anything that exciting
i got my car running and that was pretty koo i guess
also i have been playing fallout new vegas alot and thats about it
since my summer started i have just been sitting around the house
summer school is gonna be interesting but oh well
hopefully things start to look up for me this summer...
until then have fun everyone.

enjoy your summer

THOR

so i just saw this movie at the midnight showing and i have to say that it was a rather good movie. there were some very good fight scenes and also a good back story of how thor came to be.
the one thing that i didnt quite like was how they showed the initial back story, but thats just preference
all in all its another good addition to the marvel franchise and it follows the avenger path as well leading right from IRONMAN 2.
i would highly recommend seeing this movie if you like some action and a pretty good movie. the effects were really good as well

as a side note stan lee's cameo was a pretty good one this time. not to say that some of his others arent quite as subtle as this

fuck you

so lately i have noticed that i cant rely on anyone for anything...im not just talking about like hey let me help you, im talking about everything
for example i have so much info that i dont really want to have but i cant tell it to anyone and you know how hard it is to keep a secret...especially if you are me?
it feels like im slowing going insane while everyone watches but care little enough to say something.
also i hate when people bring up stupid shit that was in the past and try to embarrass me with it...i already lived it so it cant be that bad
following that i HATE when people make little remarks about me crashing cars...its like yea i get it that i have been in more accidents than the average person but fuck you! it doesnt piss me off as much as it just gets way too old!

so i know that i gained weight and everyone seems to think that it bothers me a considerable amount but it actually doesnt. yea sure i want to lose it but its not like im going to die if i dont
so please all those people that enjoy talking shit to me, its not going to work cause nothing you can say will affect me...so save your breathe please
there is only one person that i can tell anything to in confidence and he is in another country...so if you think i can trust you that much im sorry

life goes on and i really dont care if you are going to walk it with me or not, just get the fuck out of my way
there are little things i care for in this world and if you dont want to be one of them by all means be my guest...just dont expect me to care about you after
as for women in my life..i can say in honesty you only love someone once and after that its never the same. it was fun

people make a big deal about too many little things in their life when they should be enjoying it...i really wish i had some close friends right now, but i guess im just not giving myself that luxury.....

i think i figured something out

so i was thinking today but i was rudely interrupted but non the less the idea stuck in my head
i believe this may be a key to something or it may already be common knowledge, either way i figured it out for myself
I WANT SEX, BUT IM LOOKING FOR LOVE
i mean i dont think its too hard to explain but i didnt have time to think this over in my head before writing this
so im basically saying that i want to keep having sex but that doesnt mean i wont stop my pursuit of love..but on the other hand it doesnt mean everyone i have sex with im in love with.
this might not make any sense or it might make all the sense in the world...idk
all i do know is that my mind works in strange ways and ill just let it do its thing to rationalize everything that i do
but other than that i also realized that i can actually be inspired to write something.
today i felt some sort of inspiration and i have no idea what triggered it.
all i know is that i wanted to write and just be happy
so im just gonna keep at it and hopefully ill be inspired again soon :)

the endless mediocre crap stream

well this is a long time coming but it is well worth it
as many people if not all people that actually read this know that my true passion is movies and that i love watching movies
so i began to realize that maybe around the early 2000's or maybe even earlier that the movie quality and overall goodness has plummeted and fast
i remember when movies had substance, great plot development, overshadowing themes, amazing characters with extensive back stories and just the quality about them that couldnt be matched by most movies to date
i feel like the crap stream in the movie industry is due to the declining intelligence of the nation and just the overall stupidity of people
i mean it has gotten to the point were these movie producers have run out of original ideas and have resorted to defiling classic movies for the sake of better production value.
if its one thing that i cant stand its that these remakes make a mockery of the originals
if people werent so ignorant about these types of movies they would be able to realize this also
now im not saying that i know all there is to know about movies or that watever i say is always right.
these short little 2hr movies that are all flash that are pushed into the stream are like feeding brains to zombies...its not going to get you anywhere
this degradation of movies has impacted me so much that i cant in good conscience let it continue and that is why i am going to do something about it
as you are well aware i want to become a writer and possibly a movie producer because i want to actually make films and not these shit "movies"
so in summation i disapprove of most of the movies out there so its time to take a stand and all the good people that truly enjoy movies should be able to understand!

i find myself thinking

so i feel the reason i cant find myself is because im always in my head about things and i really wish i had someone to let it all out to
the strange thing is that the things that im thinking are not wat i would consider normal for my age i guess but who am i to say
i keep picturing myself in the future and not thinking about the present
somehow i feel like id rather know how i would turn out and just figure the rest out along the way
i feel like that is how we should live our lives.
we need to see ourselves in the future and hope and try to get there
it is odd because i dont see myself with someone in particular but rather just a blank person
i do see myself being a great person and possibly a father but all i have to hope for are just many many words of inspiration

well until i find someone to vent to then i will keep the big details to myself!

no holding back

i really cant stand this and i dont give a fuck wat anyone says
all those people that i was friends with in high school are all fake
seriously like how can you go from being all close for like 4 years to never acknowledging someones existence
so to all those people that called themselves my friend all i have to say is a big FUCK YOU! the only people i know are my friends are the bros and my 2 bestfriends
ever since i came back to tucson its been like i never existed...i swear this shit is getting ridiculous.
back in high school i would kick it with anyone that asked or just go chill anywhere, but now i never get so much as a hey lets hang out sometime...
so now i dont think im gonna hold back and play nice anymore because i dont see a point if those people wont put forth and effort to be my friends.
im sick of this shit and its getting really old
and my main conclusion is that tucson sucks ass
i really have no other reason than school to be and once im done then im out for good
people may say that i might be missing out on some of the best times i might ever have but fuck that...i seriously dont want anything to do with those so called friends and this fucking city


PS. people if you are going to lag on someone please have the courtesy to tell them you arent gonna make it instead of being a complete asshole and blowing them off.

Ohh Hey!

hey wats up!
havent been on this shit in forever, but i figured since i have nothing better to do than just sit here and write stuff down :P
well lets see wats on my mind tonight...well i started looking for a job and also trying to get the car fixed as soon as possible.
also i think i might have a new fucking bestfriend but not entirely sure yet haha
gonna start hitting up the gym and get all beefcake:P yea right haha

so i think im gonna start talking about things that annoy me...
umm i get annoyed with people that complain about their relationships constantly! seriously if you are going to complain about it that much then shouldnt that be an indicator that it might not be working out!
also im getting tired of hearing about girls that arent or barely out of high school saying that they want a kid...its like come on people...you cant even support yourself to begin with and you want to bring something into the world, start a major commitment to a partner, find a way to support yourself and be happy...yea thats not gonna work
im not gonna say that all these teen pregnancy shows are to blame but they are!
it shows all these teens that got pregnant and now their lives suck...i mean sure they love their kids but if you actually look at them...their lives suck, they live in crappy places, they fight with everyone and i dont see why anyone would want that.
i really dont see wat the benefits of having kids at a young age are??
i want kids but not until im like 26 or older cause i want to enjoy my youth or at least wat it left of it before i become some kids slave that cant even talk!
besides all these teen moms are contributing to high divorce rates and single parent homes which in turn affects so many kids these days. sure a small amount of these pregnancies work out for the best but seriously most dont.
sure i could be talking out my ass right now, but seriously ask yourself where you see yourself in 5 years and does it include a kid?

oh well thats wat was on my mind :P
hope you enjoyed

an empty shell

i just realized that i am a ghost of my former self
this might explain why all of my old friends choose not to talk to me anymore
they still see me as who i was back like a year ago...this big party animal that went out every weekend and got super drunk
thats not the case anymore because im a totally different person but people still percieve me as that party animal
i really dont like this because it gives people a reason not to talk to me anymore
also those people that i used to party with that know i dont really party anymore have stopped talking to me as well
its like a lose-lose situation for me and it really sucks ass
i dont know any other way to fix this than to either jump back into my old life(which i do not want to do), convince people that i am a totally different person, or just forget about all those people and make new friends
all of these choices are hard enough to follow. i dont want to walk out on my old life, but there are certain aspects of it that have changed and people need to realize that im not the same person i was a year ago let alone 3 months ago.
i have a completely different mindset and if people cant see me for who i really am than im going to have to accept the fact that some people are not meant to be in my life.

a clear point

i think this is the point in my life were i realize that the people that were my friends in high school were never meant for the long run
i mean its hard for me to get close to people now since i have no strong connection to anyone in this point in my life
its a bit hard because ive never had this were im just alone.
all 4 of my bestfriends have left and im stuck in this weird place where we still talk to each other but it seems distant...but i guess this is expected because its real life right?
people move away and the time you spend with each other goes away..but you never stop being friends
well ever since they left i guess i have also distanced myself from people i guess out of fear that they might leave me too
im not scared of being alone at all..its just that im not a person that should be left alone because im in my head too much
my friends were the ones that got me out into the world and i feel like im slowly retreating back to my old self
its a little more difficult making new friends that share the same ideals or even remotely the same ideals because mine have changed so much
im not trying to say that no one compares to me...its just that i havent found anyone else that wants the same things out of life that i do
the main point im trying to convey i guess is that i miss my friends so much because they played such a big roll in my life and they left so quickly.
i assume that this is the in between time were i find out who i really am on my own because it will define who i become for the rest of my life.
needless to say id rather have someone by my side to share the experience with
you never know how much you appreciate people until they arent there to share all the little things with you.
THIS IS MY LIFE!

a little light

have you ever had a vision of yourself in the future and knew that it would actually come true.
well i have seen the future me and i know that one day thats how im going to be
it will involve a change of my whole life style but i think it will be worth it
i dont expect things to just fall into place but rather take control and make my on future because thats the only way that works
fate can possibly figure into one part of your life...that is your inevitable death
people make their own way in this world. i once believed in fate and that one thing that could change everything. then i have learned through my few life experiences that we can choose to do anything and that will affect us
i have made some stupid decisions already and have paid for them
from these decisions i have learned that no matter the choices i make something will happen to get someones attention.
from now on im going to make a positive change because i want some good results :)

PS: joke of the day- DONT HASSLE THE HOFF

new leaf

well i think im gonna start a new chapter in my life were i do things the right way...
you know just try to be the best person i can be without losing who i am of course
so now i have to start hitting the gym, doing really good in school, get a job, just have some fun and be myself
i just wanna see this as a turning point in my life that is a positive one because i have been going down the wrong path for a while but i did learn something from it...
there is such thing as too much fun and that line can be crossed.
so the lesson i learned is that i have to think about things a little better for myself rather than others...that has always been one of my major flaws...i could always help others get out of tough situations but when it came to my own i was as helpless as the next guy
you know there is a part of me that kinda wished that i could continue to go crazy and wild for the rest of my life...but somehow i think that i would try to be soo badass that i might kill myself or end up like Charlie Sheen(which would be pretty badass)
well now that i have decided to become a better person all around i think ill take it easy on the going crazy for a while...i guess i have plenty of time to make an ass out of myself
but dont worry people i will still party, just not as hard as i used to :P
well i have to celebrate somehow so i want to get out there and party hard because thats the only way i know how to celebrate! :)

this is fun

well its been a while hasnt it
ok well so far my life isnt too bad right now. i mean i have some good friends and stuff..school isnt too bad either
so all in all id say that things are pretty good

anyways i just wanted to put my feelings out there for all you punks who actually read this stuff :P
ok so anyone that really knows me, knows that im like a super sensitive guy that acts like an asshole cause its fun to do :)
yea being an asshole is an art and im pretty sure ive got a good handle on it because everyone either assumes im an asshole or just know im an asshole
while on the inside im just this little sensitive guy that is kinda shy to talk to girls and loves watching love movies and always wants to cuddle
yea thats right i said it!
i like to cuddle because its just so much fun and warm:)
ok well thats a little of me so hope you enjoyed it and keep reading my shit because it makes me excited!

PS. dont ever watch the roommate because that movie sucks so much dick that it makes crack heads look like saints!

im happy!

well when i came back in december to winter break i had forgotten my black ops with my friend ryan. so i had to wait all winter for him to give it back. so since i didnt go back to ASU he had to mail it. well its been like 3 weeks since he mailed it and it never got here...so i went out and bought a new used one so that i could play again!
also i got the FIRST STRIKE map pack that went with it so that made me very happy :)
so now that i had it i was well on my way to the first prestige mode!
over superbowl sunday i spent most of the day playing trying to make it to 50 from 42. it was pretty intense but i managed to do it. so i finally prestiged and the next day i played again...this time i went from lvl 1 to 20 in one day...now i know wat your thinking and thats i dont have a life.
this is pretty true since i cant go out on the weekends, my homework is super easy, and i have no friends to kick it with all the time...all i do is play
so now im just happy that i have something to do cause its better than just sitting here on my computer :P
well if you play hit me up and add me on xbox live!
xMindlessProx <-----gamertag

religions

yea so many of you know that i strongly oppose catholicism and many other forms of religion
so i just wanted to talk about it cause i have nothing better to do with my time
well anyways...religions are narrow-minded manipulative organizations that feed their masses lies about the past and how people should live their lives
some people may argue that religion helps make them a better person but i beg to differ because these so called morals that religion teaches can be learned by doing everyday reminal tasks
every religion claims to be the right one and some say that they can peacefully co-exist with others when in reality that is not true
religion isnt a hypothetical question in which there is no answer.
there is one defined answer and that there is no religion.
the way i see it, is that they created it to gather a large group of people with similar outlooks on life and made them do these rituals to make them feel better about themselves and somehow that escalated to people preaching
and as for these so called gods? really? how many fucking gods do people think there are out there?

as for my hate of catholicism...they preach as if they are the one sole religion that should be followed because they spread the words that were passed down throughout the centuries
when in fact it is one of the youngest religions to date that is widely followed
thats like saying itunes is the creator of music.

now i know some people feel differently about this and say that religion is a key factor in their lives and im not going to say that its wrong for them. i will criticize but not hate. they have a choice to do watever they please so let them follow a false belief. religion is also just something that people turn to so that they can feel better about the wrong things they have done because they believe that if they tell someone all the wrongs they have done that they will magically go away.

if you want to talk shit to me, agree with me, change anything i said, try to kill me, praise me, or just write something stupid....go for it
RIGHT HERE
|
|
|
V

tuesdays

dear tuesdays please stop being such a bitch!
i really wish that either all my classes were at west or the one class i need to go to today was earlier. regardless it really sucks that i have to spend all day at school when i really dont have to.
yea i should be learning something while im here but i feel that if im going to be at school all the time i should be doing something thats a little more fun right.
oh well i write on here all the time and most of wat i say doesnt reach the real world but i really dont care cause it doesnt take that long to write all of this for the few that read.
so i guess i have nothing more to say to you tuesdays...besides i wish you were wednesdays!

my computer

i really do wish that i could somehow separate myself from my computer one of these days but i dont think that will ever happen because i have become too attached to my computer
seriously there isnt a day that goes by that i dont go on some sort of electronic device that connects me to the internet
now some may see this as a bad thing but i see it in two ways
1. this way is the bad way which cuts into my actual social interaction with the world and makes me not move for hours. it also prevents me from doing anything besides wat im doin on the computer
2.this is the good way because it connnects me to millions of people all over the world and even right here. it also connects me to vast amounts of information at the click of a button which is basically unlimited power (knowledge=power)

so i ask the question...is being so in tune with technology a bad thing or a good thing?

PS. i spend a fair amount to time in the real world and experience many things. these many things have led to many things be them good and bad
the choice we make to utilize the tools of our generation is our own, but how we use them determines who we are...

getting back on track

alright so now that school is a couple weeks in i think im on my way back on track
but it doesnt stop here...i need to keep up the hard work and do my best because if i dont i will probably fall back into the way i was before
i really wish that things would be normal but i think thats way too much to ask for because so much has changed and it will never be the same
hopefully from this point forward things will be positive and somewhat good
we can only hope for the best and anticipate the worst.
im not saying that i want everything to be good but i dont want things to be as bad as they have been
id like to say that i cant get worse than it already has been but i would be lying through my teeth if i said that
now all i want is for the people i love to be by my side as they always have been and just move forward from this because theres only one direction and that is forward
i just stick to wat i know and maybe learn something new on the way
if i could change a few lives on the way and call a few new people friends along the way then that wouldnt be the worst thing that could happen.

VIVA LIFE!
[comments]
|
|
|
V

inspiration

so i have recently felt a sudden inspiration to actually do something with my life
yea i know its crazy right
well i started working out on my own to get back into shape cause im tired of having a little flabby gut..besides i like looking good without a shirt
also i have been inspired to write stuff...it may be that im just liking school, or watching too many movies, or im just genuinely inspired and stuff
watever the circumstances may be i believe that this is a really good thing and that i am just going to go with it
there really isnt anything bad that can come from this unless i decide to start writing negatively but i dont see that happening


people write me comments please! it pleases me and also it makes me want to write more so that you actually have something interesting to read instead of me just writing a bunch of bullshit and making you waste your time reading all the way to the bottom only to find out that i was fucking with you.

C O M M E N T !

Have some fun

So not having car really sucks because I can't go places that I normally want to go whenever I want and now I have to wait everywhere
So yea I need to either find a dependable ride places or start taking the bus
Haha I really don't want to take the bus cause it smells like shit

On another note sometimes waiting pays off cause the whole time I've been waiting at school
I hav seen so many cute girls and I really don't mind sitting here ad watching
Not that I'm a super creep or anything but you know way I mean
I also need to make a friend that will just chill with me all the time cause I miss being able to tell dimwit something funny right away
Yea so 2 things on my list of things to do- get a car/ride and get a new friend/ or girlfriend
The mission is on and it will be a fun one!

Also side note to all those that actually read this...you guys are the best
And hopefully you might write comments cause I get bored and comments really make me happy
So if you feel like writing something fun r just somethig stupid
Write that shit cause I really like comments!

yay bored again

so now i realized why i didnt like being home in the first place
i just sit here and do nothing on my computer and its gonna be even worse now cause i dont a car...i hope i get a good job soon so i can see people for a change
well i guess its punishment for what i did right haha but still something needs to change soon or like i need some koo friends that actually lives near me
yea so now need to find something to do rather then just sit here do nothing and then tell everyone else about it

anyways school is surprisingly weird but i kinda guessed it before
i mean its like i am seeing everyone that i used to see from high school
but all my classes are like college classes...so now my mind is in like 2 different places but i guess its alright cause im seeing a bunch of old friends now and stuff
yea i really need to step up my blogging too cause the past few are seriously lacking in potential to be good.
well until next time...

slow it down

just realized something that may already be common knowledge among most people but i felt like i needed to write it down
well when life is getting a little crazy and all that stuff you just need to slow everything down and jsut look around
stop to look around at everything and think about how things got that way
relive everything in your head and remember all those moments that you should have done something different
you may not like the road ahead of you but you always have time to change that so things will be better in the future
you dont always have to continue on the same path because life is about the pathes we take and if you couldnt change then what kind of life would that be
so take some advice if not mine and think about things because the most powerful weapon is the mind because it has the power to create as well as destroy!

a new new beginning...

well as many of you know that actually read my blog...or for those that this is the first time..
i have left asu because of certain reasons that didnt have to due with academics but unfortunately i am still gone..but now i am going to Pima Community College in tucson because its still a form of higher education that i need
i want to better myself and if this is how i have to do it then so be it because i will still push forward and do whatever i have to do to succeed.
sadly there isnt very much room for error on my part and this is basically my last chance to not screw up my life
lets hope for the best!
ohh and my social life(such as partying all the time) is gonna be on hold for a while but that still doesnt mean i dont have time for friends!
i know lots of things have changed and everything but its alright cause life is about adapting to new things and finding balance among all of them
so hopefully i find some balance in my life and i can get back to the things were and everyone can be happy again...

Starting Over

well i have screwed up my life yet again but this isnt one of those times were you can just brush it off but rather one of those learning experiences
it has really opened my eyes to many things because even though i have made such a huge mistake the one thing that i can count on is people to be there to support me
i may have wronged them in multiple ways and hurt them, but in the end i know that they will have my back because they care about me that much
others will say that it is the influence that my friends have on me that led me astray, but i beg to differ because although it is true that they have some impact they too are lost just like i am
they are not to blame for any actions that i take willingly because we are all in this together not matter wat
so i will never abandon my friends because they are a part of who i have become even if they arent the smartest or the safest...i love them like brothers
even if they screw up ill be there to catch them as they will do the same for me...
and if we all screw up then its all of our jobs to look at each other and figure out that wat we are doing at that time isnt the best life choice and that we need to change something immediately or else the consequences of our actions will become increasingly more dramatic
so all i have to say is that if you make a mistake then pick yourself up, look around at those that will stand by your side and keep moving forward because there is always something there whether it be big or small

College

so my first semester didnt go as well as i hoped it would and now im not going to be attending ASU anymore.
this saddens me for many reasons and most of them arent because im going to get my education there...its true that i care about my education but i can get that anywhere that i attend
the thing im going to miss the most is the people that made the experience
i swear i will miss all those people that i met for only that short time but they made such a big impact on my life
i know i have shown them a few things just as they have shown me
yea its gonna be hard changing my whole life around again and getting used to something new but if there is one thing that im good at thats adapting.
hopefully everything works out alright and that i am able to keep pushing forward in life like i should be even though ive messed up
i have found that the key to success is balance and that is wat i am going to aim to achieve with my life
i may not be able to find it right now at this moment but eventually i will