i just realized that i am a ghost of my former self
this might explain why all of my old friends choose not to talk to me anymore
they still see me as who i was back like a year ago...this big party animal that went out every weekend and got super drunk
thats not the case anymore because im a totally different person but people still percieve me as that party animal
i really dont like this because it gives people a reason not to talk to me anymore
also those people that i used to party with that know i dont really party anymore have stopped talking to me as well
its like a lose-lose situation for me and it really sucks ass
i dont know any other way to fix this than to either jump back into my old life(which i do not want to do), convince people that i am a totally different person, or just forget about all those people and make new friends
all of these choices are hard enough to follow. i dont want to walk out on my old life, but there are certain aspects of it that have changed and people need to realize that im not the same person i was a year ago let alone 3 months ago.
i have a completely different mindset and if people cant see me for who i really am than im going to have to accept the fact that some people are not meant to be in my life.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
a clear point
i think this is the point in my life were i realize that the people that were my friends in high school were never meant for the long run
i mean its hard for me to get close to people now since i have no strong connection to anyone in this point in my life
its a bit hard because ive never had this were im just alone.
all 4 of my bestfriends have left and im stuck in this weird place where we still talk to each other but it seems distant...but i guess this is expected because its real life right?
people move away and the time you spend with each other goes away..but you never stop being friends
well ever since they left i guess i have also distanced myself from people i guess out of fear that they might leave me too
im not scared of being alone at all..its just that im not a person that should be left alone because im in my head too much
my friends were the ones that got me out into the world and i feel like im slowly retreating back to my old self
its a little more difficult making new friends that share the same ideals or even remotely the same ideals because mine have changed so much
im not trying to say that no one compares to me...its just that i havent found anyone else that wants the same things out of life that i do
the main point im trying to convey i guess is that i miss my friends so much because they played such a big roll in my life and they left so quickly.
i assume that this is the in between time were i find out who i really am on my own because it will define who i become for the rest of my life.
needless to say id rather have someone by my side to share the experience with
you never know how much you appreciate people until they arent there to share all the little things with you.
THIS IS MY LIFE!
i mean its hard for me to get close to people now since i have no strong connection to anyone in this point in my life
its a bit hard because ive never had this were im just alone.
all 4 of my bestfriends have left and im stuck in this weird place where we still talk to each other but it seems distant...but i guess this is expected because its real life right?
people move away and the time you spend with each other goes away..but you never stop being friends
well ever since they left i guess i have also distanced myself from people i guess out of fear that they might leave me too
im not scared of being alone at all..its just that im not a person that should be left alone because im in my head too much
my friends were the ones that got me out into the world and i feel like im slowly retreating back to my old self
its a little more difficult making new friends that share the same ideals or even remotely the same ideals because mine have changed so much
im not trying to say that no one compares to me...its just that i havent found anyone else that wants the same things out of life that i do
the main point im trying to convey i guess is that i miss my friends so much because they played such a big roll in my life and they left so quickly.
i assume that this is the in between time were i find out who i really am on my own because it will define who i become for the rest of my life.
needless to say id rather have someone by my side to share the experience with
you never know how much you appreciate people until they arent there to share all the little things with you.
THIS IS MY LIFE!
a little light
have you ever had a vision of yourself in the future and knew that it would actually come true.
well i have seen the future me and i know that one day thats how im going to be
it will involve a change of my whole life style but i think it will be worth it
i dont expect things to just fall into place but rather take control and make my on future because thats the only way that works
fate can possibly figure into one part of your life...that is your inevitable death
people make their own way in this world. i once believed in fate and that one thing that could change everything. then i have learned through my few life experiences that we can choose to do anything and that will affect us
i have made some stupid decisions already and have paid for them
from these decisions i have learned that no matter the choices i make something will happen to get someones attention.
from now on im going to make a positive change because i want some good results :)
PS: joke of the day- DONT HASSLE THE HOFF
well i have seen the future me and i know that one day thats how im going to be
it will involve a change of my whole life style but i think it will be worth it
i dont expect things to just fall into place but rather take control and make my on future because thats the only way that works
fate can possibly figure into one part of your life...that is your inevitable death
people make their own way in this world. i once believed in fate and that one thing that could change everything. then i have learned through my few life experiences that we can choose to do anything and that will affect us
i have made some stupid decisions already and have paid for them
from these decisions i have learned that no matter the choices i make something will happen to get someones attention.
from now on im going to make a positive change because i want some good results :)
PS: joke of the day- DONT HASSLE THE HOFF
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
new leaf
well i think im gonna start a new chapter in my life were i do things the right way...
you know just try to be the best person i can be without losing who i am of course
so now i have to start hitting the gym, doing really good in school, get a job, just have some fun and be myself
i just wanna see this as a turning point in my life that is a positive one because i have been going down the wrong path for a while but i did learn something from it...
there is such thing as too much fun and that line can be crossed.
so the lesson i learned is that i have to think about things a little better for myself rather than others...that has always been one of my major flaws...i could always help others get out of tough situations but when it came to my own i was as helpless as the next guy
you know there is a part of me that kinda wished that i could continue to go crazy and wild for the rest of my life...but somehow i think that i would try to be soo badass that i might kill myself or end up like Charlie Sheen(which would be pretty badass)
well now that i have decided to become a better person all around i think ill take it easy on the going crazy for a while...i guess i have plenty of time to make an ass out of myself
but dont worry people i will still party, just not as hard as i used to :P
well i have to celebrate somehow so i want to get out there and party hard because thats the only way i know how to celebrate! :)
you know just try to be the best person i can be without losing who i am of course
so now i have to start hitting the gym, doing really good in school, get a job, just have some fun and be myself
i just wanna see this as a turning point in my life that is a positive one because i have been going down the wrong path for a while but i did learn something from it...
there is such thing as too much fun and that line can be crossed.
so the lesson i learned is that i have to think about things a little better for myself rather than others...that has always been one of my major flaws...i could always help others get out of tough situations but when it came to my own i was as helpless as the next guy
you know there is a part of me that kinda wished that i could continue to go crazy and wild for the rest of my life...but somehow i think that i would try to be soo badass that i might kill myself or end up like Charlie Sheen(which would be pretty badass)
well now that i have decided to become a better person all around i think ill take it easy on the going crazy for a while...i guess i have plenty of time to make an ass out of myself
but dont worry people i will still party, just not as hard as i used to :P
well i have to celebrate somehow so i want to get out there and party hard because thats the only way i know how to celebrate! :)
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