lets do this shit

yea so lately ive been feeling pretty excited about things
you know im feeling good and i like the way things are going for me
right now and i dont really feel like complaining
gonna kick it with the bros this weekend, that should be fun
since the last time we hung out most of us dont really remember
that night past a certain point haha
the only thing i miss is my other friends who are always fucking
busy with their lives and fucking work and shit
its like hey man take a fucking break for once cause you have your
whole life to work and be lame and shit
other than that im having fun and living it up as much as i can
my birthdays coming up and pretty excited about that
not gonna be a teenager anymore, that just sounds weird as
shit but its just one of those things that you cant really help
im just trying to figure out how to top my birthday last year
because that was one of the best nights of my life and i dont think
i can ever have that much fun, but i dont wanna jump the gun
hopefully 2012 will be a good year and definitely better than this year
the only way to go is up so see you all at the top

aside from practically no one reading this i have decided to make my thoughts
more public and i made a twitter again.
if you want to follow me (im not that interesting) @goingcray
bitches.

football shit

that shit was pretty crazy (3rd week) cause there were so many upsets
first the eagles lose which i wasnt too happy about, but shit happens right
then out of no where the BILLS beat the patriots for a 3-0 record, first time its been done
for the bills since 1980!
then the LIONS come out and win in OT for a 3-0 record so far
football is changing and this is pretty sweet
just started getting into it, but its pretty fun and im kinda sad that i hated on it
for so long and now i can really say im a fan
im in it for the long haul so i just want to let everyone know that the EAGLES are my
team and you can say what you want cause im gonna support my team!
now lets see if VICK can stop being a pussy and win some more games haha :)

changing it up

i have been progressively feeling better over like these past few months, with the exception of feeling
down on myself occasionally, but other than that its been good.
so for the past few months i have been going to the gym almost everyday
to get back in shape since i put on about 30 lbs when i came back from ASU.
im pretty sure that i have kept the same weight, but im happy to say that most of it is now
muscle instead of flabby fat, its still a work in progress so hopefully i can get to a good
size and then just maintain it because i dont want to get too big!
along with my new look with muscles, it has just made me feel more confident in myself
and it just makes me happy. i notice girls checking me out now, which used to be like
on rare occasions when i was the little 120 lb kid i was in high school.
and overall i feel like im better health like i can do more things, unlike before i wouldnt
want to get off my bed cause i was playing videogames all day..i still wish i could do that
but i have other things that i have to take care of like school and the gym and finding
other things that are better alternatives.
i think with all this confidence now im going to change up my style because since its a new me
i figure everyone should see me that way too.

feeling it

so lately i had been feeling annoyed with the way things were but you know i was just having a bad time and i didnt like it at all so i finally just went out and let loose and it felt awesome you know i was fire like all night and nothing was going to stop me kicked it with some old friends meeting new friends got to talk to some cute girls for a change cause there arent any at pima thats for sure had a fucking great time and it was all really chill i even got some girls phone numbers, i feel like im a little kid again going through the mall trying to pick up chicks haha all in all, it was a much needed night and im glad i did it because if not id probably still be frustrated and shit gotta be feeling it all the time!

whatever im bored as fuck

yea ive just been super fucking bored lately and its not really that fun i seriously need to do something with my life pretty soon because i mean im heading in the right direction, but ive just come to like a stand still sure going to school is the right thing to do, but i feel like i need to do more with my life right now and i think i know what i have to do, which i really dont want to do i hate looking for a job because if you dont have tits its most likely that you wont get hired anywhere that pays alright or doesnt suck major ass. aside from that im getting really tired of just sitting at home all day, im pretty sure they call it a vacation because i cant see myself sitting on the couch everyday for another month or ill explode i really want to get out and do something, but theres nothing to do sure im going to get the generic response: theres plenty to do you just have to find it what people dont realize is that this is tucson and there really isnt much to do here if i want to take up a hobby, i have to pay for it; if i want to get a job i need to find one(which ive been looking for since january); bottom line is that i need to find something to do or get the fuck out of here damn you horrible economy and this crappy time that we live in people say its the future that we need to look forward to, but what they dont realize is that by the time the future rolls around and everything is fine and dandy everyone will fucking hate their lives and not want anything to do with the future or at least thats how i think its going to be for me haha on a lighter note : i need new friends because the ones i have never seem to be around so its just like not having friends...i feel like a freshman all over again at least it was easy to make friends in high school cause once you get into the real world no body wants to talk to you, girls dont want to talk to you unless you are rich or a douchebag, jobs wont hire you unless you have work experience, and my parents wont stop bugging me until i do something with my lfie....it seems like a cycle of crap but im not quite sure ill get back to you on that one in the mean time...stay classy or something like that

just a little something!

it all began a while back and i dont even remember when... i guess i added this girl on facebook as i often do when i get bored and i start to notice that i have like all these notifications, which is weird because i no one ever talks to me right. so i investigate this strange phenomenon i discover that there is this girl that is "liking" all my pictures and statuses in my head im thinking that this is going to be like some ugly girl or something like that to my surprise its this girl and she is pretty cute...i look on her profile thing to see how old she is because although cute looking, she does look a bit young upon searching there was no age verification so i play it safe and dont do anything a few weeks go by and she is relentless with my posts and pics, just "liking" everything (this was not a bad thing because i loved all the notifications) so one day i decide that im going to contact my mystery facebook stalker and see if she will talk to me, since she is stalking me by this point :P i ask her why she is stalking me and she replies that i should be so lucky to be stalked by her and that she merely liked all the things that i did and found me fascinating we end up talking for a while, upon which i find out that she is only 16 you can imagine my hopes of getting anywhere with this girl were crushed, but she kept on talking to me and trying to get me to flirt with her (her exact words) she told me that she never really liked older guys until she started talking to me so naturally i felt like a badass, but i had to decline on the flirting since im like 3 years older than her. without skipping a beat we just keep talking and eventually become friends and stuff..i asked her about why she stalked me and she immediately declined ever such an action, but i know she was...i bet she will still deny it well then her birthday was coming up and she kept wanting me to flirt with her and kept telling her that i couldnt because im not trying to go to jail haha so for her birthday i spit a little game, between good friends, as a little birthday present now we are like super good friends and she starts telling me all her life problems like im supposed to fix them, hahaha im a great listener. i impart my great wisdom onto her because i mean what else am i going to do with it, pass it on to some guy on the street? she listens to all the boring crap i have to say cause i need someone to talk to since all my bestfriends are MIA. then out of no where she decided that she hated me for like a week because i was probably being my regular asshole self and pissed her off after that we were koo again because we are both awesome! so then we were talking and i was telling her about my blog(which is this one right here) and how i had included her in the previous post, she was stoked to say the least to which i replied i would write an entire post dedicated solely to her! she was smitten by that cause who wouldnt want someone to write about them? now to all of you reading that arent her (cause i know you are reading this too) the name of this tenacious, amazing, totally chill girl is VANESA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D yea shes pretty awesome and its safe to say that im making her one of my bestfriends because she fucking deserves it! i mean if someone is willing to put up with me all the time then they are fucking worth keeping around also she is pretty weird cause shes totally hipster but doesnt like to admit it haha shes one of those metal heads which is koo i guess :P id say im protective of her cause shes littttle hahaha so no one better mess with her i also visited her one time at walgreens where she works and that was like one of the most awkward 5 mins of my life and i blame her for that, since she works there hahaha needless to say she has some pretty powerful swag too

in [blank] i trust

so im going to start writing on here regularly, or more often than once a month
anyways shits getting pretty real i guess.
so still havent gotten a job but seriously considering getting one soon so that i can save up and try to move out[fingers crossed]
other than that ive been pretty good, keeping out of trouble and going to school
all those days of partying are over, there are the ocassional parties but not like there used to be like every weekend
times are changing and its difficult growing up.
people always tell you its hard growing up and they were fucking right because its harder than shit
i guess the main part is to just stay positive because thats the right thing to do...
one thing i learned is that you dont get results right away in real life, you always have to wait for something good.
so i try not to rush things now because the one thing i have on my side is time
it kinda sucks that i dont have a girl friend right now but oh well, in due time
on that note i have this awesome friend, VANESA, who is pretty much a badass
she is the coolest kid ever!

embrassing the inner me

so most people already know that i can be a bit of an asshole at times, but im more of a nice guy when i can be
i think im going to have to change that because even though i would like to believe im doing myself a favor by being the nice guy, its not getting me anywhere
all its gotten me so far is a few shitty girlfriends, a few good friends, endless hours logged playing video games by myself, and stuck writing this
most of the mean shit that i could just blurt out any time that i chose to, i keep tucked away in my head where i try to suppress the urge to yell it out
to all those people that know im an asshole, thats just the tip of the iceberg because i only let out a tiny bit of what is actually on my mind.
i know plenty of people make fun of me but you know whatever i say wont change a thing so i continue to further embarrass myself
i feel that i should just embrace what is going on in my head and just speak what i think because i mean, how much worse could it get if i just tell the truth.
i mean its not like im going to have less friends than i already have, its not like im not gonna stay home and play video games, and its not like people are going to hate me any less.
im going to just show everyone who i am on the inside because what else am i going to do with my life

feeling like a sucker

damn i just feel like im getting played and im not even talking to anyone
so there is this girl that i have a crush on and we would talk and stuff like that...
we hung out once and it was pretty chill and then every time i would ask her if she wanted to hang out she would agree and then make up some lame ass excuse
so then i told her i liked her but she freaked out as if i asked her to marry me...i just told her that i liked her
she pretty much told me that i cant like her without any explanation on the subject and stopped talking to me
ignores me for about a month or 2 and starts talking to me out of no where like this week and says we should hang out like a few days later.
so i talked to her a day before we were supposed to hang out and she said she was looking forward to it...so when the day comes that we are supposed to hang out she acts all casual and tells me that she is going to a concert as if she had planned on going the entire time.
now i feel like a complete asshole cause i was looking forward to hanging out and she just shits on our plans

part of me knew this was gonna happen and the other part of me was hoping we would actually hang out
now the question in my head is should i talk to her about this and believe that she wont pull this on me again or should i be the total asshole and blow her off completely
im leaning more towards the asshole way because this wasnt the first and its definitely going to be the last time she does this
the softer side of me says that i should give her a chance because i think i still have a shot
damn you feelings, why cant i just enjoy one thing in life