fuck you

so lately i have noticed that i cant rely on anyone for anything...im not just talking about like hey let me help you, im talking about everything
for example i have so much info that i dont really want to have but i cant tell it to anyone and you know how hard it is to keep a secret...especially if you are me?
it feels like im slowing going insane while everyone watches but care little enough to say something.
also i hate when people bring up stupid shit that was in the past and try to embarrass me with it...i already lived it so it cant be that bad
following that i HATE when people make little remarks about me crashing cars...its like yea i get it that i have been in more accidents than the average person but fuck you! it doesnt piss me off as much as it just gets way too old!

so i know that i gained weight and everyone seems to think that it bothers me a considerable amount but it actually doesnt. yea sure i want to lose it but its not like im going to die if i dont
so please all those people that enjoy talking shit to me, its not going to work cause nothing you can say will affect me...so save your breathe please
there is only one person that i can tell anything to in confidence and he is in another country...so if you think i can trust you that much im sorry

life goes on and i really dont care if you are going to walk it with me or not, just get the fuck out of my way
there are little things i care for in this world and if you dont want to be one of them by all means be my guest...just dont expect me to care about you after
as for women in my life..i can say in honesty you only love someone once and after that its never the same. it was fun

people make a big deal about too many little things in their life when they should be enjoying it...i really wish i had some close friends right now, but i guess im just not giving myself that luxury.....

i think i figured something out

so i was thinking today but i was rudely interrupted but non the less the idea stuck in my head
i believe this may be a key to something or it may already be common knowledge, either way i figured it out for myself
I WANT SEX, BUT IM LOOKING FOR LOVE
i mean i dont think its too hard to explain but i didnt have time to think this over in my head before writing this
so im basically saying that i want to keep having sex but that doesnt mean i wont stop my pursuit of love..but on the other hand it doesnt mean everyone i have sex with im in love with.
this might not make any sense or it might make all the sense in the world...idk
all i do know is that my mind works in strange ways and ill just let it do its thing to rationalize everything that i do
but other than that i also realized that i can actually be inspired to write something.
today i felt some sort of inspiration and i have no idea what triggered it.
all i know is that i wanted to write and just be happy
so im just gonna keep at it and hopefully ill be inspired again soon :)

the endless mediocre crap stream

well this is a long time coming but it is well worth it
as many people if not all people that actually read this know that my true passion is movies and that i love watching movies
so i began to realize that maybe around the early 2000's or maybe even earlier that the movie quality and overall goodness has plummeted and fast
i remember when movies had substance, great plot development, overshadowing themes, amazing characters with extensive back stories and just the quality about them that couldnt be matched by most movies to date
i feel like the crap stream in the movie industry is due to the declining intelligence of the nation and just the overall stupidity of people
i mean it has gotten to the point were these movie producers have run out of original ideas and have resorted to defiling classic movies for the sake of better production value.
if its one thing that i cant stand its that these remakes make a mockery of the originals
if people werent so ignorant about these types of movies they would be able to realize this also
now im not saying that i know all there is to know about movies or that watever i say is always right.
these short little 2hr movies that are all flash that are pushed into the stream are like feeding brains to zombies...its not going to get you anywhere
this degradation of movies has impacted me so much that i cant in good conscience let it continue and that is why i am going to do something about it
as you are well aware i want to become a writer and possibly a movie producer because i want to actually make films and not these shit "movies"
so in summation i disapprove of most of the movies out there so its time to take a stand and all the good people that truly enjoy movies should be able to understand!

i find myself thinking

so i feel the reason i cant find myself is because im always in my head about things and i really wish i had someone to let it all out to
the strange thing is that the things that im thinking are not wat i would consider normal for my age i guess but who am i to say
i keep picturing myself in the future and not thinking about the present
somehow i feel like id rather know how i would turn out and just figure the rest out along the way
i feel like that is how we should live our lives.
we need to see ourselves in the future and hope and try to get there
it is odd because i dont see myself with someone in particular but rather just a blank person
i do see myself being a great person and possibly a father but all i have to hope for are just many many words of inspiration

well until i find someone to vent to then i will keep the big details to myself!

no holding back

i really cant stand this and i dont give a fuck wat anyone says
all those people that i was friends with in high school are all fake
seriously like how can you go from being all close for like 4 years to never acknowledging someones existence
so to all those people that called themselves my friend all i have to say is a big FUCK YOU! the only people i know are my friends are the bros and my 2 bestfriends
ever since i came back to tucson its been like i never existed...i swear this shit is getting ridiculous.
back in high school i would kick it with anyone that asked or just go chill anywhere, but now i never get so much as a hey lets hang out sometime...
so now i dont think im gonna hold back and play nice anymore because i dont see a point if those people wont put forth and effort to be my friends.
im sick of this shit and its getting really old
and my main conclusion is that tucson sucks ass
i really have no other reason than school to be and once im done then im out for good
people may say that i might be missing out on some of the best times i might ever have but fuck that...i seriously dont want anything to do with those so called friends and this fucking city


PS. people if you are going to lag on someone please have the courtesy to tell them you arent gonna make it instead of being a complete asshole and blowing them off.

Ohh Hey!

hey wats up!
havent been on this shit in forever, but i figured since i have nothing better to do than just sit here and write stuff down :P
well lets see wats on my mind tonight...well i started looking for a job and also trying to get the car fixed as soon as possible.
also i think i might have a new fucking bestfriend but not entirely sure yet haha
gonna start hitting up the gym and get all beefcake:P yea right haha

so i think im gonna start talking about things that annoy me...
umm i get annoyed with people that complain about their relationships constantly! seriously if you are going to complain about it that much then shouldnt that be an indicator that it might not be working out!
also im getting tired of hearing about girls that arent or barely out of high school saying that they want a kid...its like come on people...you cant even support yourself to begin with and you want to bring something into the world, start a major commitment to a partner, find a way to support yourself and be happy...yea thats not gonna work
im not gonna say that all these teen pregnancy shows are to blame but they are!
it shows all these teens that got pregnant and now their lives suck...i mean sure they love their kids but if you actually look at them...their lives suck, they live in crappy places, they fight with everyone and i dont see why anyone would want that.
i really dont see wat the benefits of having kids at a young age are??
i want kids but not until im like 26 or older cause i want to enjoy my youth or at least wat it left of it before i become some kids slave that cant even talk!
besides all these teen moms are contributing to high divorce rates and single parent homes which in turn affects so many kids these days. sure a small amount of these pregnancies work out for the best but seriously most dont.
sure i could be talking out my ass right now, but seriously ask yourself where you see yourself in 5 years and does it include a kid?

oh well thats wat was on my mind :P
hope you enjoyed