embrassing the inner me

so most people already know that i can be a bit of an asshole at times, but im more of a nice guy when i can be
i think im going to have to change that because even though i would like to believe im doing myself a favor by being the nice guy, its not getting me anywhere
all its gotten me so far is a few shitty girlfriends, a few good friends, endless hours logged playing video games by myself, and stuck writing this
most of the mean shit that i could just blurt out any time that i chose to, i keep tucked away in my head where i try to suppress the urge to yell it out
to all those people that know im an asshole, thats just the tip of the iceberg because i only let out a tiny bit of what is actually on my mind.
i know plenty of people make fun of me but you know whatever i say wont change a thing so i continue to further embarrass myself
i feel that i should just embrace what is going on in my head and just speak what i think because i mean, how much worse could it get if i just tell the truth.
i mean its not like im going to have less friends than i already have, its not like im not gonna stay home and play video games, and its not like people are going to hate me any less.
im going to just show everyone who i am on the inside because what else am i going to do with my life